Talking about funerals is never easy. It’s a deeply personal and often emotional subject, which is why many people avoid it altogether. However, discussing your funeral wishes with your family is one of the most thoughtful and practical conversations you can have. It can ease the burden on loved ones during a difficult time and ensure your wishes are respected. Here’s how to approach the conversation with care, clarity and compassion.
Choose the Right Time and Setting
Pick a moment when everyone is relaxed and open to conversation — not during a holiday or family crisis. A quiet weekend at home, a casual dinner, or even a one-on-one chat can be ideal. A calm, private setting encourages openness and minimises distractions.
Start Gently
You don’t need to dive straight into the details. Begin by explaining why you want to have the conversation. You might say something like: “I know this isn’t the easiest thing to talk about, but I’d really like to share my thoughts about what I’d want when the time comes. It’ll give me peace of mind knowing you’re not left guessing.” Let your family know that this discussion is about reducing their stress later on — not creating anxiety now.
Share Your Preferences Clearly
Be as specific or general as you feel comfortable. Common topics include:
- Burial or cremation
- Preferred funeral home or location
- Type of service (religious, non-religious, celebration of life, etc.)
- Music, readings or special traditions
- Who you’d like to speak or be involved
- Clothing or personal items to be included
For example, if you have a preference for a local funeral director, you might mention a trusted provider like Fairfield Funeral Home to assist in planning your service with professionalism and compassion.
Encourage Open Dialogue
Invite your family to ask questions or share their thoughts. Some may feel emotional or uncomfortable — and that’s okay. Others might even want to discuss their own wishes, which can turn the conversation into a meaningful exchange rather than a one-sided talk.
Put It in Writing
After your discussion, consider writing down your wishes and storing them somewhere accessible — or sharing a copy with a trusted family member. You might also choose to work with a funeral director to pre-arrange your service, ensuring every detail is handled with care.
Revisit the Conversation Over Time
As your preferences or circumstances change, it’s okay to revisit the discussion. Funeral plans aren’t set in stone, and having open lines of communication means your family will always be in the loop.
Discussing funeral wishes doesn’t have to be daunting
When approached with sensitivity and clarity, it can be one of the most generous acts of love and care for those you hold dear. By taking the time to talk things through, you not only ensure your wishes are honoured — you also offer comfort and guidance to your family when they’ll need it most.