Making decisions about how to care for elderly parents sparks some of the hardest conversations any family will have. The balance between wanting to do it all yourself and knowing when that is no longer an option is a struggle every family confronts. Most people start off well-intentioned, believing they can do it all, but the harsh reality of caregiving quickly becomes more overwhelming than anyone could ever have imagined.
Assuming family care is better care is an easy assumption to make. After all, who loves Mom and Dad more than the kids? Sadly, that’s not always the case. The gap between what families intend to do and what they’re actually able to do grows steadily until it becomes impossible for them to deny that they’ve reached a tipping point at which family caregiving is no longer an option.
When Family Care Works
Family caregiving is only successful under certain conditions. Elderly individuals who need some companionship, someone to prepare some meals for them or someone to run an errand every now and then are ideal candidates for family care. Adult children who live nearby and have flexible enough schedules to provide that kind of support can swing it without too much disruption to their own lives.
Caregiving is also about the emotional component. Most elderly people would prefer to receive help from someone they’ve loved for decades rather than a stranger. Family caregivers know what little things matter to their parents like what type of coffee Dad likes and what time Mom wants to take her bath. Caregiving from family members doesn’t have the same formal feel as professional help
The financial component of caregiving makes professional help a daunting prospect. If families can provide satisfying care for their elderly parents without compromising their finances or their sanity, then it often seems like the most practical option.
Recognizing Signs That It’s Time for Change
The change from family care to professional care doesn’t happen overnight. Families are often blindsided by the fact that they’ve drifted into needing things they can’t provide after the signs of trouble accumulate for long enough that they can no longer deny that there’s an issue. Anything from falls to medication mix-ups to leaving the burner on demonstrates that their elderly parent is beyond the supervision that part-time family caregiving can offer.
Caregiver burnout is another sign that things could do with changing. When adult children suddenly find themselves anxious, unable to sleep, and overwhelmed at the prospect of balancing their own lives with the needs of their parents, the current situation isn’t working anymore whether they want it to or not.
Many options, such as Senior Home Care Services in Philadelphia, understand that combining the best of both worlds is sometimes better than forcing families into one type of arrangement or another.
Finding the Balance Between Family Caregiving and Professional Help
The best arrangements involve interweaving professional help with ongoing family involvement rather than pitting one against the other. Professional caregivers can meet the physical and medical needs of elderly parents in ways that adult children can no longer manage while adult children continue to provide the emotional support that professional caregiving cannot replicate.
This arrangement is especially helpful when the adult child who’s the primary caregiver for the elderly parent does not live in the same area as their parent or has a busy career that demands much of their time. Professional caregivers on the ground can ensure elderly parents’ everyday needs are met while family members who live far away can focus on enjoying their parents without getting bogged down in providing for their care that might be better suited for someone else.
When combining both types of care, it’s important to remember who is doing what. Professional caregivers have been trained in safety protocols and observation and have experience spotting health issues when family caregivers have a treasure trove of information about their loved ones that can help build their emotional well-being and advocate for their needs in medical institutions.
Facing Up to Financial Realities
Financial concerns are the main reason many families take far too long to reach out for professional help. However, the cost of poor care is higher than any service a family member can provide. Medication mistakes that lead to errand room visits and burned out family caregivers who mean well but simply aren’t cut out to provide ongoing care is more dangerous than anything professional caregivers might do.
In addition to considering whether the adult children are physically able to keep up with their elderly parents’ needs over the long term, families should also discuss the pragmatics of such a situation. Can they realistically provide the same level of care every day of the week and every week of the year? What will happen if one of the adult children becomes ill? Professional caregivers can provide ongoing support that family caregivers who are well-meaning but have their own commitments and passions cannot.
When families decide they want to work with professional caregivers of whatever type, the recipe for success requires that everyone knows their own limits. Professional caregivers are not there to supplant family ties but rather to provide expertise and education to build on what family members have already achieved on their own.
Keeping expectations, concerns, and even inconveniences clear will lead to a more personalized experience with staff who can be hired or volunteered. Families need to continue participating in care decisions to maintain continuity but also build on what makes their loved ones happy – their relationship with their families.
Every family will need to find their own mix of family caregiving and professional help based on various factors such as budget, how much assistance their elderly parents may require, etc. However, assessments remain important on a regular basis to continue ensuring that these systems work as they’re supposed to.
Success should focus on keeping elderly parents as safe as possible while ensuring their dignity and quality of life, while also protecting the adult children who care about them from burning out trying to do it all themselves when it may no longer be possible for them to provide good care for someone they love so much. Occasionally, the most caring thing people can do is face up to a situation where good intentions need backup assistance if everyone is going to win.