What you are about to read is something I haven’t shared with many people. But I hope that by putting it out there, it helps someone who might need to hear it.
Recently, someone told me I come across as a confident guy—maybe even intimidating at times. That comment made me laugh because, to me, it seemed so ridiculous. Confidence is not something I’ve always had. In fact, early in my career, I felt the exact opposite. And that reminded me of a story from my first year as a car accident lawyer—one that still makes me shake my head when I think about it.
I remember my very first deposition like it was yesterday. I had spent years in law school, passed the bar, and was finally sitting in the chair of a practicing attorney. But if I’m being completely honest, I felt like an imposter. I was anxious—so anxious that I came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea at the time. I asked my brother to come with me to the deposition and pretend to be my assistant.
Now, to clarify, my brother was absolutely not a paralegal. He wasn’t even remotely involved in law. If anything, he was the complete opposite of what you’d expect in a legal professional. He was a full-fledged hippie—long hair, tie-dye T-shirts, and a deep love for the Grateful Dead. Instead of filing legal briefs, he spent his time fixing up his old VW bus, playing guitar, and doing other things that shall not be mentioned.
But I was desperate for some sense of comfort and familiarity, so I convinced him to help me out.
We scrambled to put together an outfit that made him look the part—sort of. He borrowed a button-up shirt and slacks that didn’t quite fit him right, and I handed him a legal pad and a pen. That was his entire role: sit there, look serious, and take notes.
I can only imagine how absurd it must have looked from the outside. Here I was, this brand-new attorney, trying my best to seem professional and put-together. And sitting next to me was my “assistant,” who looked far more like someone about to follow the Dead on tour than someone who belonged in a legal proceeding.
Despite my nerves, the deposition happened. I got through it. Was I perfect? Definitely not. But I didn’t crash and burn either. And that was when I learned something important—something I’ve carried with me throughout my career.
The truth is, I’ve often been scared or nervous about doing certain things, whether it was stepping into a courtroom, speaking to a judge, or having a difficult conversation with a client. Fear has never really gone away. People don’t always see it, but I’ve been terrified many times.
The difference is, I learned to do it anyway.
I’ve had moments where my hands shook before walking into a courtroom. Times when I lay awake the night before an important case, doubting myself. Even now, after 19 years of practicing law, I still experience fear. But here’s what I remind myself every time: I’ve felt this before, and I survived it. I faced it, I pushed through, and I got to the other side.
That’s the thing about fear—it doesn’t mean you can’t do something. It just means you care about what you’re doing.
Looking back on that deposition, I realize that bringing my brother along wasn’t really about needing an assistant. It was about needing a little bit of reassurance—something to convince myself that I wasn’t alone, that I had support, even if it was in a slightly unconventional way. And honestly? I think that’s okay.
Because in the end, we all have our ways of getting through the scary stuff. Some people meditate. Some people psych themselves up in the mirror. I, apparently, chose to bring my long-haired, VW-bus-driving, Deadhead brother to my first deposition.
And yet, I made it. I got through the fear.
So, if you’re feeling nervous about something—whether it’s a big career move, a tough conversation, or just stepping outside of your comfort zone—I hope you remember this: It’s okay to be scared. But do it anyway.
You might like what happens next.