When someone we care about is unwell, it’s natural to want to help, but often, we don’t know where to start. You might worry about doing the wrong thing or getting in the way, and that’s completely normal. The good news? You don’t need to have all the answers or fix everything. Sometimes, the smallest, most practical gestures can offer the greatest comfort. Whether it’s dropping off dinner, lending an ear, or helping them get to an appointment, your support can make a real difference.
This article will guide you through simple yet impactful ways you can show up and make a real difference. We’ll explore practical things like organising meals, offering lifts, and providing the emotional support they truly need.
Understand What They Need (Before You Act)
Before you jump in with offers, take a moment to consider that every illness and every person is different. What one friend might find helpful, another might not need or even want. So, the best first step is always to listen or, even better, to ask. Instead of a general, “How can I help?”, try offering something specific: “Hey, I’m heading to the shops on Tuesday, can I pick up anything for you?” or “Would you like me to drop off dinner on Wednesday?”.
Respect their boundaries and preferences, if they say they’re okay, trust that. Be wary of their energy levels; sometimes, a quick text is all they can manage. Be mindful of their privacy; they might not want everyone to know the details of their health.
Organise Food Delivery or Meals
When someone’s unwell, cooking often falls by the wayside, but good food still matters. Organising a few meals is one of the most helpful things you can do. You can prepare and drop off a home-cooked meal, rally friends to create a meal train, or send a delivery voucher so they can choose what they feel like.
Make sure to ask about dietary needs, allergies, or preferences. If they’ve got a full freezer, consider snacks, soups, or smoothies that are easy to grab. Even a simple note tucked in with the food can lift their spirits. If you’re unsure what to bring, a comforting get well soon hamper filled with nourishing goodies and practical treats is always a thoughtful idea.
Offer Help with Transportation
Getting to medical appointments, therapies, or even just picking up prescriptions can be incredibly draining when you’re not feeling well. Offering help with transportation is often invaluable and can significantly ease their burden. If you have some flexibility in your day, offer specific times or even a regular schedule for drives if needed.
Make a point to be on time and bring a positive attitude, as your energy can greatly influence their mood. Ask if they’d like some company during their appointment.
Be There Emotionally, Not Just Physically
Sometimes, being present emotionally is the most powerful support you can give. You don’t have to say the perfect thing, just showing up matters. Check in with a brief text or a quick call, but don’t expect a response every time. If you’re spending time together, let them lead the conversation. There might be silence, tears, laughter, or all three, and that’s okay.
Avoid saying things like “At least…” as it can come across as dismissive. Instead, be compassionate with words like, “That sounds hard.” Light-hearted messages, funny memes, or a simple “Thinking of you” can brighten their day.
Spend Time (Without Being Draining)
Your time is a beautiful gift, but it needs to come with flexibility and sensitivity. Being sick can be incredibly isolating, but also physically draining. If you plan a visit, keep it short unless they ask you to stay. Sometimes, just sitting in the same room and watching a movie or listening to music can be comforting. At other times, they might enjoy doing a puzzle, reading together, or simply chatting about anything but their illness. Let them set the tone.
Don’t take it personally if they cancel at the last minute; fatigue and symptoms can strike unexpectedly. Let them know there’s no pressure, and you’re happy to reschedule.
Put Together a Thoughtful Care Package
A personalised care package can feel like a warm hug on a hard day. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just thoughtful. Think of small, comforting items: herbal teas, lip balm, a soft blanket, fuzzy socks, or a journal. Puzzle books, snacks, or something to read can help pass the time during long treatment days. Including a handwritten card or note makes it even more personal.
What Not to Do (Common Mistakes to Avoid)
It’s easy to worry about doing the wrong thing, but being aware of these common slip-ups can help:
- Don’t offer unsolicited medical advice. Leave that to the professionals.
- Don’t make the conversation about your own experiences; keep the focus on them.
- Don’t disappear because you feel awkward. Even small gestures, like a text, can mean the world.
- Don’t assume what they need or want. Ask gently instead.
- Don’t downplay their experience by saying things like, “It could be worse.”
- Don’t expect them to entertain or comfort you; they’re not in that space.
By avoiding these traps, you’ll come across as caring, respectful, and truly supportive because that is what you are. It’s okay not to have all the answers; your willingness to be there is enough.
Supporting a sick friend isn’t about grand, sweeping gestures or finding the perfect solution. It’s about consistent, compassionate presence and showing you care in practical, meaningful ways. Even the smallest act of kindness can bring a moment of comfort and connection during a challenging time. Don’t overthink it. Pick just one thing that resonates with you and try to implement it this week. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly or having all the answers; the simple act of showing up and letting your friend know you’re there for them is often more than enough.