When a family endures a divorce or joyously welcomes a new child, they’ll need to step back and make some changes to their parenting approach. Ultimately, the children are the top priority. But for co-parents eager to establish a solid routine, they’ll need to make changes to anything from schedules to communication.
Keep reading to learn about common co-parent adjustments after separations, remarriages, moves, or new babies.
Understand That Disruptions Are Normal
Disruptions are inevitable after big changes, even for the most dutiful and organized parents. When one parent remarries following a divorce, for instance, determining the living situation for a shared child can shift. Or, if a family relocates to a new state, their children will need to enroll in new schools and start a new social network from scratch. These disruptions can impact a child’s sense of being grounded and supported.
Parents will need to make arrangements for school pickups and transportation to activities beyond the school day. For divorced parents, holidays can be sticky with shared custody. Parents will need to map out a schedule that puts their child’s interests first. In short, parents need to anticipate these changes before they happen. And they must communicate respectfully with each other to arrive at the most harmonious solutions for their children.
Determine Responsibilities
If one parent remarries, that introduces a step-parent and potentially step-children to the family dynamic. Additional extended family members may want to take on more hands-on involvement, too, when a family goes through divorce, remarriage, or a big move. While these changes can be positive, they can come with unforeseen challenges. Family members can become overbearing or possessive, so it’s best to define roles and set clear boundaries.
A child’s legal parents should take the reins when it comes to normal decisions for their children. Everything from schoolwork to disciplinary actions must come from co-parenting efforts. Parents should also set the schedule for their child’s daily routine. While step-parents and grandparents can help with babysitting and other tasks, they need structure, too.
Parents should share their rules and decisions with other relatives involved in their child’s care. If a parent wants their young daughter to consume hypoallergenic baby formula, for instance, they must supply it and provide instructions for a grandparent helping with childcare coverage. Ultimately, clear communication can help shape roles and maintain messaging alignment for children.
Create an Effective Parenting Plan
What once worked when both parents were married probably won’t work following a separation. Similarly, with a new baby in the household, parents will have to review their parenting plan and make changes to accommodate new needs. The sooner parents do this, the better.
Parents can start by looking at their schedules, for instance, to determine where they have flexibility. Maybe one parent will need to take on an extra grocery run or pickup at school. Parents should figure out who can handle longer drives to daycare or sports practices. Further, parents should make a financial determination regarding the costs for activities and holiday time. When parents separate, it may make sense to alternate holidays or find another agreeable way to share time for children during these special occasions.
Making formal, written plans can be a helpful action for parents. That way, there won’t be any confusion, and parents can craft a more predictable schedule. And if one parent gets defensive or protective, the document can serve as a guide. During these times of upheaval, parents should be intentional about providing their children with reassurances. It’s best to encourage open conversations with children and to remind them that they are loved and respected regardless of the changes. If adjustments remain challenging, it can be helpful to seek counseling or a neutral mediator.
Adapting to Family Changes
Co-parenting can be difficult when there are big changes within the household, such as a separation, move, or the introduction of a new family member. With shifting schedules and family dynamics, parents need to be mindful of the importance of developing a plan. Working together to map out transportation schedules, holiday visits, finances, and responsibilities can help prevent stressful situations.
Ultimately, parents should focus on setting expectations and boundaries as they move forward with a new normal. They’ll help their children feel supported despite the changes.