Stillwater Behavioral Health’s CEO and Founder offers Advice on how to avoid Relapse this Holiday Season.
A survey by the American Addiction Center found that more than 84 percent of recovering addicts and alcoholics feel moderately to overwhelmingly stressed during the holiday season. According to a study published in Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, the number of drinks people consume spikes on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve.
How can recovering alcoholics and addicts avoid relapse under such challenging conditions? Since CEO and founder of Stillwater Behavioral Health Nicholas Mathews’ mission is to help people exist in the world without the use of drugs or alcohol, he was happy to offer MetaPress his expert advice.
Why Relapse Threatens Recovering Alcoholics and Addicts during the Holidays
As a recovered heroin addict himself, Mathews explains, “There’s a common misconception about addicts and alcoholics. The idea is that they like to be drunk, but that’s not the case. The truth is they hate being sober.”
Addicts aren’t drinking for fun. They’re drinking to escape how they feel when they’re sober. Their goal in using these substances is to manipulate the way they exist in the world.
A recovering addict’s desire to escape negative feelings can grow as holiday anxieties mount. According to Mathews, with treatment, recovering addicts won’t need to manipulate the world around them. They’ll be able to exist in it freely — even while experiencing holiday stress.
How Family Dynamics Affect Recovering Addicts and Alcoholics during the holidays
Mathews notes that this time of year is often centered around reflection, meaning families will be reliving the very memories recovering addicts are trying to escape. More importantly, when relatives get together over the holidays, old family dynamics tend to replay.
“You’re facing guilt and shame concerning your previous behavior,” he says. “You’re also facing your family’s preconceived ideas about how you’re going to act. Resetting that family dynamic can be difficult, emotionally traumatizing, and uncomfortable.”
Alcohol has the ability to make that discomfort and trauma go away. As a recovered alcoholic and recovered heroin addict, no one understands this better than Mathews.
“Alcohol is perfect,” he says. “It does exactly what it’s supposed to do. Unfortunately, if you’re like me, it doesn’t stop there. So I can’t drink through the holidays because I’ll drink through New Year’s and then the whole next year.”
How Environment Affects Recovery
Before traveling home for the holidays, alcoholics and addicts should consider the role that environment plays in recovery. Successful healing requires a safe place, and that often involves a change of scenery. In a new place, recovering alcoholics are free of judgment and free of the past. They can create new intentions for who they’re going to be in the future.
“If you have a clean slate, you have the opportunity to reset who you are to yourself and the world around you,” Mathews explains. “Before I got sober, I was just a junkie. If I tried to be anything other than a junkie, everything and everyone around me reminded me of who I used to be. I needed to be around new people so I could say, ‘Hey, I used to use drugs, but I don’t anymore. I have a past, but I also have a future, and I get to dictate what that future looks like.’”
During the holiday season, recovering addicts may be heading back into problematic or challenging environments. Mathews says the best advice he can offer is, “Find your courage and walk through the uncomfortable emotions.”
He also reminds clients at Stillwater that nothing gets to dictate the choices they make. “So much of recovery is built around this idea of powerlessness. I do believe we are powerless over drugs and alcohol. But the power I do have is the power of choosing how people, places, and things affect me. I believe wholeheartedly that no matter how uncomfortable you are, you get to decide whether this holiday gathering is something that will define you or something you’ll have the courage to walk through.”
Despite the uncomfortable emotions that can be associated with holiday get-togethers, they’re an opportunity for growth. In Mathews’ opinion, there’s no magic solution to make the experiences easier, but walking through these situations can be worth every step. “Once you’ve gone through it and proven to yourself that your recovery is strong, you begin working a muscle you didn’t know you had,” he says. “The more you work this muscle, the stronger it gets. Eventually, you have the confidence that you can walk through anything. You’ve built a belief system that you’re going to be okay.”
Family Gatherings can help Recovering Alcoholics and Addicts Grow
The holidays can afford opportunities for recovering addicts to heal family ties, reset dynamics, teach others how they want to be treated, and set new boundaries. It’s a chance to create a healthier environment for everyone involved.
“You want to have your family in your life,” Mathews comments. “You want to undo any damage that’s been done because at the end of the day, for a lot of us, family is all we’ve got.”
Recovering addicts and alcoholics often experience stress during the holidays because they don’t get to control the actions of their family members. “You don’t get to control how families treat you, what they think about you, or what stories they decide to bring up,” Mathews says, “But it honestly doesn’t matter. You get to control yourself. And that’s the freedom recovery brings us.”
Recovering Alcoholics and Addicts can Embrace Holiday Triggers
A trigger is anything that can lead a recovering addict into relapse, and the holidays are full of them. Holiday parties, family gatherings, financial stress, and travel each offer unique challenges to recovering alcoholics.
For Mathews, the goal of sobriety is being free, and recovery is the freedom to live in the world. That freedom is bound to involve triggers because the world inevitably includes them.
“Why would I want to avoid triggers?” Mathews asks. “Triggers happen. That’s life. I got sober so that I could be completely free to do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it.”
The key, in Mathews’ opinion, is knowing how to walk through triggers. With the right tools, they don’t have to dictate a recovering alcoholics’ choices.
“I can breathe, I can meditate, I can pray,” Mathews remarks. “There are so many things I can do to isolate that emotion and take its power away. That’s the philosophy we teach at Stillwater. Don’t run away from your triggers. They’re an opportunity for growth. If you find the courage to walk through them, you’re teaching yourself you can get through anything. It becomes your foundation.”
Mathews reminds recovering alcoholics to employ the strategies that have proven to work for them as individuals. “Take necessary steps to protect yourself and to avoid unsafe situations, by all means. If you don’t want to be hassled about getting a drink at a holiday party, grab a mocktail. That’s a great tool. But you should have a whole tool belt. If one tool fails, you’re on to the next one. In addition to your tools, you should have blueprints, lumber, and a foundation to start building your house.”
Recovering Alcoholics and Addicts can Reset family Dynamics During the Holidays
Mathews doesn’t pretend the holidays will be an easy time for alcoholics and addicts in the early stages of recovery. While reflecting on those days, Mathews admits the first holiday he spent sober with his family was awkward and uncomfortable. His family didn’t have a clue how to treat him, and his sobriety was a constant topic of conversation. “Bless their hearts!” he says. “They were trying so hard. The conversation was, ‘Hey, we support you,’ ‘We got your back,’ and ‘Is it okay if I have a glass of wine?’”
Through the following years, Mathews found ways to teach his family to respect that he doesn’t drink anymore and keep the conversation away from his recovery. “I make sure they know that if I need support, I know what to do,” he explains. “I’ve taught them that I’m the one responsible for my recovery and that nobody else can keep me sober.”
Mathews wants to remind recovering addicts that they can still have fun during the holiday season. He’s reached the point where he looks forward to returning home. These days, respect is mutual within his family, and boundaries are clear. “We play Scrabble, look through photo albums, and do the stuff everybody does this time of year,” he says. “I have a wonderful time, and I don’t miss drinking at all. Don’t live in fear of the holiday season. Try to embrace it. Have fun. It’s going to work. The best part about it is you’re going to remember it the next day.”
Readers who want to learn more can visit Stillwater Behavioral Health’s website.